The heat is on in the Nutini studios. As is inevitable in the closed environment of recording studios, tempers can sometimes be stretched to breaking point.
Such an incendiary situation arose last week when Donny, driven slightly more insane than usual by Paolo’s incessant ukulele playing/practicing, he reached into his utility sock for his hunting knife and in a frenzy of steel and nylon, slashed at the strings in an attempt to silence the beast. The anarchic mood escalated until the unfortunate instrument morphed into an implement of destruction, at first being used as a squash racquet, then as a makeshift drumstick. The poor instrument began to lose integrity until the only logical course of action was to send it to a fiery grave. In a bizarre Hendrix meets Formby ceremony the almost unrecognizable instrument was ignited and consigned to the annals of rock history in the cold evening chill of the studio car park.
A frightening day for us all!
The following day it was discovered that the ukulele was a present to band technician Malky from his 6' 6" mate Fin Raucous to celebrate the birth of his first captive pilchard. On discovering that the uke was not available for the recording of a duet of 'Tiger Feet', Fin pressed Malky for an explanation. The truth eventually emerged.
Security has been increased at the studio and in an attempt to calm the situation, the remains of the instrument are to be auctioned in order to raise the £12 needed to replace it.
The remains of "The Beast" will shortly be available for bids on ebay as soon as one of us works out how to do it.